Really? You actually expect me to believe that??

Honesty and believability seem to be in short supply in my realm of clients lately. I currently work as a substance abuse counselor for a non-profit agency. The majority of my clients are court ordered (dependency, some criminal, some both) and a few are voluntary but encouraged to attend by DCF.

Some of the reasons I have heard for testing positive for various drugs
-I thought it was a tylenol
-The person I had/have sex with uses
-Rode in the car with someone who was using
-Brownies :)
-Drank coffee made with filter used for drug manufacturing (unknowingly of course)
-Thought it was just a rolled cigarette
-Cleaning the dresser, counter, etc in a hotel room that had a white powder on it
-Someone put it in my chapstick
-Oral sex
-Person conducting drug test put drug into urine
-Ate poppy seed muffins, buns
-Hemp Lotion
-Found a baggie with white powder in it and decided to taste it

Reasons for testing positive for alcohol
-I use a lot of hand sanitizer
-cough syrup
-ate something with wine/sherry in it
-had candy with liquer in it
-ate rum cake
-didn't know the energy drink had alcohol in it

FYI- laboratory alcohol tests have thresholds that allow for incidental alcohol ingestion

Explanation for drug charges
-My friend threw it in my purse
-I didn't know the 50 boxes of cold medicine were for making meth
-I grew it for a dealer friend, since I had a green house and he didn't
-They left all the manufacturing materials at my house when I wan't there
-Someone put it in my glove box
-I was keeping it for someone else
-A relative left the medication at my house because she is in the process of moving (in a ziploc)
-I rented a car that had drugs in it

One of the oddest stories I've heard
- I got burned when I knocked on a friend's door, he answered and immediately tossed a bottle of "shake and bake" at me and I missed 

Just thought I would share a little of what I hear on a daily basis. Sometimes it takes all I can manage to keep a straight face.