Yesterday was my Mom's birthday, the second one since she passed away last February. In a way I'm proud of myself for not getting upset and then I also feel a little guilty that I thought so little about it. I was aware of the date but I guess not focused on it. I still have days when the grief is overwhelming but those are fewer and fewer. Now I have more short moments of all those feelings versus entire days. So it's true, time does help.
Moving on to this weekend-R is having a pool party for her birthday. She is super excited!! She picked out a Tangled theme! Her birthday is next week and she will be 4. My baby is no longer a toddler, she's a little girl :(.
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, June 7, 2010
Almost summer cleaning and Still on this journey called grief
The hubby is on a cleaning mission. We he have has decided it is past time to start keeping out house cleaner and neater. I am a bit of a pack rat, I come by it honestly though (read some old posts about my parent's home). I keep stuff, LOTS of stuff. I collect stuff, not alot of it but enough. I am also unorganized. I like junk drawers. Junk drawers are my easy way out when cleaning umm, stashing the clutter. The husband used to be a really neat and orderly guy, he says he gave up on it because of me. I say it's because he got lazy :) Either way, our house is a bit of a mess and we are not setting a good example for little R. So, our mission for the next few weeks is purging some of the clutter, organizing what we have, dusting LOTS of stuff and spending some time cleaning the overlooked, avoided and forgot about spaces. YUCK!!!
Part of his mission involved hanging some family pictures we already had in frames. Well, he chose to hang one of my Mom that we used at the church when the family received friends. I saw it on the wall and a flurry of thoughts went through my head-wow, she looks happy there, look at her smile, my Mom is gone, I can't see her smile, will Reagan remember her?, we used the picture at the church, I should be happy she isn't in pain, I should be happy she is in heaven, when do the tears end?, and the thoughts just kept going from there. It's been a little over 3 months now and I can say things are getting a little better. I don't cry every day now..YAY!!
Miss you EGF
Part of his mission involved hanging some family pictures we already had in frames. Well, he chose to hang one of my Mom that we used at the church when the family received friends. I saw it on the wall and a flurry of thoughts went through my head-wow, she looks happy there, look at her smile, my Mom is gone, I can't see her smile, will Reagan remember her?, we used the picture at the church, I should be happy she isn't in pain, I should be happy she is in heaven, when do the tears end?, and the thoughts just kept going from there. It's been a little over 3 months now and I can say things are getting a little better. I don't cry every day now..YAY!!
Miss you EGF
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Avoidance
AVOIDANCE
Pronunciation: \ə-ˈvȯi-dən(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 obsolete a : an action of emptying, vacating, or clearing away b : outlet
2 : annulment
3 : an act or practice of avoiding or withdrawing from something
Avoidance is something I very guilty of-especially these past few months. I have always avoided confrontation in my life, it's just a part of my personality. I don't like conflict (hubby might disagree a bit :0) whether my own or someone else's. Currently, I am avoiding a multitude of things such as going to my Mom's grave, taking down pictures at my Mom and Dad's house, committing to a healtheir lifestyle, enforcing a schedule for R, difficult discussions with my father, asking certain people to mind their own business and show some respect for others, and facing the mortality of my Dad.
Being a counselor, one would think I would NOT avoid such things..WRONG. I know the negative consequences of such avoidance but still do it. Some of the avoiding is very purposeful, some is not, it just gets shoved to the back of my brain by virtue of all the other stuff going on. SO, I must find a way to deal with all the emotions and situations in my life in a positive, healthy matter and stop avoiding the potential conflicts and confrontations that come along with life's ups and downs.
Counselor, counsel thyself!!!!!!
Pronunciation: \ə-ˈvȯi-dən(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 obsolete a : an action of emptying, vacating, or clearing away b : outlet
2 : annulment
3 : an act or practice of avoiding or withdrawing from something
Avoidance is something I very guilty of-especially these past few months. I have always avoided confrontation in my life, it's just a part of my personality. I don't like conflict (hubby might disagree a bit :0) whether my own or someone else's. Currently, I am avoiding a multitude of things such as going to my Mom's grave, taking down pictures at my Mom and Dad's house, committing to a healtheir lifestyle, enforcing a schedule for R, difficult discussions with my father, asking certain people to mind their own business and show some respect for others, and facing the mortality of my Dad.
Being a counselor, one would think I would NOT avoid such things..WRONG. I know the negative consequences of such avoidance but still do it. Some of the avoiding is very purposeful, some is not, it just gets shoved to the back of my brain by virtue of all the other stuff going on. SO, I must find a way to deal with all the emotions and situations in my life in a positive, healthy matter and stop avoiding the potential conflicts and confrontations that come along with life's ups and downs.
Counselor, counsel thyself!!!!!!
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